i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
