If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
