We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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