I got chris browned last night
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
