Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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