The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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