Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
