DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
