So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm passing your future prison.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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