OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
