Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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