And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
