I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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