Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
