my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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