His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
