last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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