We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
