I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
