My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
