i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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