I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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