i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
