Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
