I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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