Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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