That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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