We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
