Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
