I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
