I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
