Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
