there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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