I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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