After last night, I could never be a politician.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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