Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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