I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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