the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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