After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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