Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im holly from the hills drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
