Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
