You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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