I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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