No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
