And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
