Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off

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(970): View more from Colorado

If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

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(925): View more from California

They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(703): View more from Virginia

the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

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(757): View more from Virginia

We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.

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(425): View more from Washington

Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra

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(330): View more from Ohio

While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.

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