i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.