just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus