Everything about him screamed your future.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack