I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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