watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
