Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize