Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
