I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drunk is not a location!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
