i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
