I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
operation have a gay friend backfired
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
