all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
