i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
