I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
