Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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