I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
