based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is wine microwaveable?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
