Cold hands, warm shart.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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