so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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