drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
