Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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