I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
