I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
