capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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