why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
