What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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