he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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