Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
