I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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