I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
