Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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