remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
