so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
