Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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