if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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